Day 8

Todays post is a bit different from the rest. I wondered when this day would come. So far I have basically written about sunshine and rainbows, but life isn't always like that. Some days are harder then others. The first step is realization! Not that this has been an awful day... it hasn't, but is a day that made me ask a lot of questions. 


Todays task started off by me taking my first run of the year outside. Its the first real glimpse of spring and was a warm day outside. I always find the first day of starting to get back running is the hardest. I really had to pump myself up. A couple struggles I came across..... 


I live downtown... not such a easy place to run in... nervous about where to go... where not to go. So I decide to drive over to my parents place and go from there. Shows I like to be in my comfort zone right? So off I go... beautiful day.... nice spring smell.... but puddles everywhere! Needless to say my feet were completely soaked within the first ten minutes. I stick it out for a while longer.. but still unbearable. I call it quits. So now Im feeling guilty.... I didn't really feel like I made the effort to find happiness today. Was I sad? Did I not have a good day? No.... my day was fine, I set goals at work, I had a positive attitude, but there was just something missing that just wasn't there.


What do I do? First... I go to chapters. I buy a book.  Not satisfied. Second, I decide to go to a movie alone. This is definitely a first. I have never gone to a movie theatre alone. But why not? I watch movies at home by myself. Its not like you have a conversation with someone while your at a movie. I can spend time with just myself. So I get to the theatre, buy a ticket and sit down. Im overwhelmed. Why am I worried about what people think of me being alone at the movie? Why couldn't I find anyone to come with me? Why can't I concentrate on whats going on? And then of course, I start thinking about the past. I love movies and use to go to them all the time.... what changed and where is that person that would want to go with me? And then I think... well Im not happy. I want to cry. I want to leave. But I stay... of course I send some emotional text messages to both my sister and my mom who were then probably thinking... I wonder whats up with Jenn. I stick the movie out... I enjoy the movie but Im sad that I had no one to enjoy it with. And now that's what Im left to think about. 


I do have friends who go to movies alone.... but I don't think I can. Its not for me. I am proud of myself for going.. I've been wanting to see this movie all week. (Limitless, you should see it!) But going alone made me feel like Im missing something. It makes me question if Im happy or if Im missing something in life. Weird.... Im an extremely happy person.. but how do I get in moods like this? I guess this is the 365 day process to figuring out exactly who I am, these are things I need to tackle. 

(How can you be sad with this view right?!)

Not wanting to leave this post on a sour note... here are some pictures from my run, and also a message from a friend that I want to share. I also don't want people to think Im going to bed sad... I can only imagine the phone calls and texts I would get! When I got home, (something that brightened up my day) A message from a friend who told me he was proud of me and my blog, and that I am on the journey to find myself and Happy to hear how well I'm doing! Of course this puts a smile on my face... good job Myke!